Till You See It On A Silver Screen
by chaletian
Summary: McGee's book is going to be made into a film. Update: Tony and Ziva attend the premiere.
1. PreProduction

Till You See It On A Silver Screen

**Till You See It On A Silver Screen**

**By Liss Webster**

Secrets can warm you at night. They can light your life with a glow that is just for you, something you can take out and gloat over. And then people find out. And it looked like Tony had just found out McGee's.

"Seann William Scott?"

Heads rose all around the bull pen as Special Agent Tony DiNozzo stormed out of the elevator, his sights already set on McGee.

"Seann William Scott!"

"Tony…"

"Seann William _Scott_!"

"Tony, I want to make it very clear that I had nothing to do with the casting process."

"Oh, don't give me that, Probie!" Tony leaned over McGee's desk, staring down the younger man. "I know this is your doing."

"Tony, I swear…"

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Not a word, McSpielberg. Ryan Gosling?"

McGee shrugged and tried not to look so pleased with himself. "The casting director thought it was the right look for McGregor."

"'Right look for McGregor,'" mimicked Tony, scowling. "What about the right look for me, McGee? Huh? What about that? C'mon – Seann William Scott?"

"Who is Seann William Scott?" asked Ziva, slinging her bag onto her desk and strolling over to join them.

"No-one," said Tony.

"He's playing Tommy," said McGee.

"Playing what? Who's Tommy?" Realisation dawned. "Oh! _Tommy_!"

"They're making a film of Probie's book," said Tony. "You're being played by Penelope Cruz."

Ziva considered this. "She is a good actress, yes?"

Tony closed his eyes, as if unable to believe that his colleagues were so clueless. "She's a babe, Ziva. You're—"

"Agent Lisa…" put in McGee, without any expectation of being heeded.

"…being played by a babe. I, on the other hand, am being played by a jackass with a fratboy sense of humour."

McGee and Ziva exchanged looks. Significant looks. Tony was not oblivious.

"What? Oh, don't give me that! Neither of you can understand the nuances of film, the importance of the genre, the fact that I am being immortalised by…" He broke off as Gibbs rounded the corner, coffee cup in hand.

"There's been a break-in at a research facility in Norfolk. Gear up."

They did as they were instructed, a well-oiled investigative machine, marred only by Tony's lament.

"Why couldn't _I_ have been played by Harrison Ford?"


	2. Premiere

Premiere

**Premiere**

**By Liss Webster**

_The gentle pomposity and gilded grandeur of the presidential reception was shattered as half a dozen federal agents came rushing into the huge reception room, guns drawn, caps pulled down over their foreheads. The leader, a tall man with silvery hair and a tense expression, rattled out a series of low-voiced instructions to his team, then ran up to the podium, where the President was standing, mouth open in astonishment even as Secret Service agents clustered around him. He nodded respectfully, then turned to the microphone, unfazed by the stalled autoprompt below him, or the shocked faces turned upwards._

"I'm just saying," said Tony DiNozzo, in a piercing whisper, "that Probie could have, y'know, let us come up the red carpet or something."

"Just because you wanted to… to _stroke_ Harrison Ford, Tony, does not mean that McGee was going to let you."

"I wasn't going to _stroke_ him, Zee-vah. I just wanted to meet the guy. Is that so wrong?" Tony's expression in the darkened auditorium was pleading and oddly innocent. Ziva was not impressed.

"McGee was afraid you would receive a restraining order. Anyway, we are nothing to do with this film."

"Nothing to do… Ziva, have you even _read_ Timmy's book? It's nothing _but_ us!"

"Nobody else knows that, Tony. So be quiet!"

_"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to have to ask you to vacate the building," the silver-haired man stated brusquely, gesturing towards the grand double doors which led to the main corridors of the White House. His agents were already stationed there, with the youngest one, hair pushed carelessly back, already tapping quickly into his laptop. As the guests left the room, corralled by Secret Service, the young man looked up from his laptop._

"Like McGee's hair ever looked that good," Tony moaned, grabbing popcorn out of the box on Ziva's lap.

"His hair is not so bad," replied Ziva, withdrawing the popcorn to a safe distance. Tony pouted.

_"It should be somewhere in this room. I've triangulated the signal – it looks like it's coming from that side." The young man waved a hand, and at the senior agent's nod, the other two people began searching for the bomb that so threatened American democracy. Even as they searched, the young agent's fingers didn't stop, carefully making his search algorithm ever more sophisticated, till he let out a cry of exultation. "Under the panel – yeah – that one! Careful!"_

The female agent, long dark hair falling round her beautiful face, carefully prised off the oak panel to reveal a ticking bomb behind it.

"Merde!" she whispered, crossing herself. "I'm not familiar with this type of mechanism," she confessed. She turned to her partner. "You?"

"I am familiar with many types of incendiary device. This plot is unconvincing."

Tony took advantage of Ziva's pique to steal the popcorn, then winced as Seann William Scott's cocky face filled the screen

_Agent Tommy grinned. "Hey, I'm used to the babes going off like a rocket, but this? Not so much!" His response earned him a slap on the head from his superior._

"Not the time!"

"No, Boss. Hey, Probie! Get over here!"

"See, that would never happen!" This time Ziva said nothing.

_The young man did as he was bid, carefully laying down the laptop. "It looks like a typical fuse used by a radical sect," he said, gently fingering the brightly coloured wires. "I think if I…" he prised a small plastic cap off part of the bomb, twiddled a couple of wires together and neatly disconnected a third. The clock stopped. Democracy was saved._

"Good work, McGregor," said the leader. "You're a credit to us all!"

"Well, that was a pile of crock!" complained Tony DiNozzo, as they trailed out of the cinema. "I should sue McGoo. McSue McGee. Do you think I can do that?" Before Ziva could reply, the two of them were caught in an avalanche of teenage girls.

"Oh my God, that Agent Tommy was, like, so totally hot!"

"I _love_ him! I would, like, completely have his babies."

"OK, you, me, LJ comm _tonight_!"

They moved on. Tony stood still, a contemplative look on his face.

"This film is not so bad, now?" asked Ziva. Tony grinned and slung an enthusiastic arm around her shoulders.

"This film _rocks_!"


End file.
